


Yours Truly, Lance

by mukkiebee



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Langst, M/M, hi this is a glorified sickfic, implied klance, major langst, make sure you read the archive warning!, oh boy, ummm - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 15:11:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12937923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mukkiebee/pseuds/mukkiebee
Summary: Lance grew up knowing about the disease that runs in his family. What happens when it manifests?





	Yours Truly, Lance

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: >_> make sure you READ the archive warning. Major character death.
> 
> I googled CJD, looked around a few sites, and by no means am I an expert. I don't claim to be. Don't scold me for not knowing that much. I'm not sorry for not knowing much.

Lance's mom had told him from a very young age about the disease their family carried. Of course, when you're that little you don't understand what that means, but as he grew older he found himself understanding more and more of what the disease entailed.

Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease could be "caught" many ways. For this reason, Lance never let himself get intimate with anyone. He didn't know if he could accidentally spread the disease from bodily fluids, so he tried to keep to himself a lot. To not get attached to anyone. It was lonely, but Lance would rather be alone than making ties that would only be cut if the disease manifested.

That was another thing. It wasn't even 100% probability that the disease would manifest itself. Lance just... didn't want anyone to get hurt. So he didn't let himself create bonds.

That was before the Garrison, of course.

At the Garrison, he met Hunk and Pidge. He couldn’t not get attached to people he spent every day with. He tried not to, but in the end, he realized if he didn’t he would be completely alone. So he reluctantly allowed himself to make friends. But only two. He couldn’t let himself make any more attachments.

Then Shiro disappeared. Then Keith left. Then they found Blue. And so many things changed, that Lance, despite his tries, made attachments to the people he spent every day with. For once, Lance felt like he belonged. Like he could live forever.

Lance knew his entire life that he wouldn't live until he's old. He wouldn't get grey hairs, at least, not as many as most people. He wouldn't live to see grandchildren - if he was particularly unfortunate, he wouldn't even get to see children of his own. Perhaps that was for the best, for the disease to die with him.

Lance wondered if it was even worth keeping this from his team. He couldn’t bring himself to, no matter how often he reminded himself that they care, and wouldn’t leave him.

It wasn’t until he started experiencing some of the symptoms that Lance brought it up. He started having troubles keeping himself coordinated - often losing balance and stumbling. He found himself staying up late at night, but even when he tried to sleep, he couldn’t. When he was having a conversation, he’d have trouble remembering what he was saying, sometimes not even able to get the words out. His anxiety worsened.

Individually, Lance didn’t think there was anything special about the problems. Then, all at once, he remembered CJD. He realized, with terrible sadness, that the disease was manifesting itself within him. He couldn’t hide it from the team for long.

“Guys?” Lance gathered their attention one day, looking between the other paladins. “I have something I need to tell you.”

Keith frowned at him, “Are you okay?” He asked, moving closer to the others.

Lance shrugged, “I mean, yeah.” He said softly, waiting for the others to surround him before speaking.

“When I was young, my mom told me about a disease that runs in our family. Because she told me about it, I didn’t want anyone to get attached to me. It was even likely that I wouldn’t get it, because it often skips a generation, and my uncle had gotten it. So I know what to look for in the symptoms... While growing up, I was a really lonely child. I didn’t make friends, in fear that I would just die one day and make them sad. I was content, though, I had my family. And then I got into Galaxy Garrison, and it was a dream come true. As a child with no friends, I would fixate on things, and the thing I fixated on the most was always space. I know too many random facts about space that would probably surprise you. Anyway, the point is, I met Hunk and Pidge. I was happy to make friends, although I was still weary. The fear my mom instilled in me about the disease stuck with me. I knew that if I didn’t make friends, I would eventually get too miserable and lonely to do anything. So I gave in. And then Shiro disappeared. Keith left. And then we found Blue. And now I have a second family,” Lance paused to smile at his friends. “And I couldn’t be happier. The thing- the thing is... the disease has come to manifest.”

There was silence for a long time. Allura looked scared, Keith looked hurt and confused, the others looked shocked.

“What disease is it?” It was Shiro who finally broke the silence.

“It’s called Creutzfeldt Jakob Disease, or CJD for short,” Lance said softly, causing Pidge to inhale sharply. Lance teared up, of course she would know what disease it was.

“Lance...” Pidge whispered, looking to Allura and Coran. “You can cure him, right? You have treatments for that sort of thing?”

Allura and Coran just frowned, “You’ll have to tell us what the disease does. We won’t know for certain until then.”

“No,” Lance said quietly, looking at them evenly. “On Earth there isn’t a cure. I don’t want to be the only one to survive just because I can, Pidge,” he spoke steadily, though tears shone in his eyes. “That’s not fair to the rest of my family, who can’t be cured. I don’t even know who’s gotten it, I don’t know how long we’ve been gone.”

Pidge stormed up to Lance, “You know that CJD will kill you if we don’t find a cure, right?” She asked, tears streaming down her face. “I don’t want to lose you, Lance. You’re like my brother.”

Keith spoke up, “Lance,” it was strange how just that single syllable could break him. Lance turned to look at the Red Paladin, “Why didn’t you tell us sooner? We could have helped...”

“No, it’s not something that can be helped. At least, not on Earth,” Lance said quietly, looking down at his shoes. “I’m sorry.”

Lance heard a sob from just in front of him, behind Pidge. He knew instinctively that it was Hunk, and his heart ached. He hadn’t wanted Hunk to ever find out. To ever be this heartbroken over him.

“Lance, buddy...” Hunk choked back tears, wrapping his arms around him. “How could you keep this from us? I can’t... You should have told us. You should have told  _me._ I would have- I would have helped.”

Lance sniffled, digging his face into his neck. “I know, I’m sorry. I just didn’t want you guys to worry if it never manifested.”

“We could have helped make sure it didn’t manifest,” Allura pointed out, frowning.

Lance winced, still believing it would have been wrong to prevent it. His family and other people didn’t get the chance, so why should he be so special to be able to prevent it? His uncle was a great man - ran a business. Made lots of people happy, gave homeless homes. He deserved to have it prevented. But all Lance was, was a seventh wheel. He let the tears fall freely. 

Shiro approached next, “You should have trusted us to respect your wishes,” he said gently, looking on sadly. Hunk still clung to his best friend, refusing to let go. Instead of making him move, Shiro just joined the hug.

“At least let us try, my boy,” Coran spoke from his left, startling Lance. He turned to Coran, and upon seeing the heartbreak in his eyes, he conceded.

“Okay,” Lance choked out. He felt arms wrap around his waist, and turned to face who was pressing their face into his neck. To his pleasant surprise, he saw Keith. He wrapped his arms around him too, closing his eyes.

* * *

A month later, Lance was on bed rest. A stay in the cryopods didn’t reveal anything that could help him, but no one was giving up. Not that Lance noticed, his eyes were glazed over. He seemed to be doing worse by the day, losing memories one at a time. He was aware of what was happening, and perhaps that was the worst feeling of all. Knowing something was missing, but not being able to place what was wrong. So when he remembered things, he’d write.

Lance wrote seven letters in total. Just in case, he told himself. His team visited every second they weren’t needed elsewhere. Allura had taken his spot easily, but it still left a gaping hole in the heart of Voltron. Hunk and Keith seemed to spend the most time in his room, but Lance didn’t mind. He adored spending time with the two. 

Then suddenly he didn’t remember them. 

“Who.. who are you?” Lance asked, staring at the two unfamiliar faces in front of him. One was in white and yellow armor, while the boy next to him was in white and red. He was beautiful. He remembered writing, and told himself he needed to write about his beauty. Reread it. Something told him he should reread it.

Hunk let out a choked sob, “It’s me, buddy. Hunk,” he cried out, but Lance only felt guilt. Whoever this boy was, they seemed close.

“I.. I’m sorry, I don’t.. I don’t remember.”

Hunk ran forward, hugging him tightly. “I love you, Lance.”

Lance felt a wave of emotion, something akin to love. “I love you, too,” he said, without thinking much. It felt natural to say it.

Keith was holding back tears, covering his mouth as sobs shook his body. “I’m gonna.. I’m gonna get the others,” he whispered harshly, and then left quickly.

Lance watched, guilt weighing him down. “Did I love him?” He asked, looking at Hunk curiously.

Hunk looked surprised, then he smiled sadly. “I think so,” he said softly, making Lance nod.

* * *

Lance clung onto the feelings that each person gave him. With Hunk, he felt adoration. With Allura, he felt a sibling bond. With Shiro, he held admiration. For Pidge, he felt protective. Coran made him feel like he had an uncle. Keith... He felt unimaginable care for him. When Keith visited, it was mostly silent. Except this time. For a split second, Lance felt complete clarity. He remembered Voltron, Blue, and everyone he had met. Allura, Coran. Keith. Oh  _god,_ Keith. He turned to the aforementioned boy, and stared at him for a long moment.

“I love you, Keith Kogane. Never doubt that.”

Keith snapped his head to Lance, his mouth agape. The boy had already forgotten, though, turning to look straight ahead. There had been no luck in finding the cure. They hadn’t given up, but every lead they found led to a dead end. Keith choked out a sob, hugging Lance. “I love you too, Lance McClain.”

Lance smiled blankly, hugging him back. “I’m going to go to sleep now,” he murmured, “tell the other ones that I’ll miss them. Tell them I wrote letters. They’re under my pillow. Goodnight.”

Lance then went limp in his arms, falling into a deep slumber. One he would eventually sink into the release of death, leaving behind only seven letters.


End file.
